Start Experiment

I sit here this evening.  My home has been 'complete' since Thursday evening since my husband walked onto the football field.  There is something beautiful about the man of your dreams surprising you during an evening of football practice.  Having our Big Papi at home brings peace - instantly.  The togetherness is just there.  I love it...and in a few days, I will really miss that feeling, but know that it will come again in just a few weeks. 

Tonight is the eve of the first day of school - Yadi will begin first grade, and Ro will begin fifth grade.  Dear husband will begin his second full week in a brand new career.  Mom - its a new day of support for my family as they each take their next steps in their journey.  What is next for me?  I am feeling such unsettledness at work --- a 6 month battle of knowing who I am and the sinking feeling that it is not necessarily recognized.  I don't need them to acknowledge my completed tasks, I need the affirmation that I am talented enough to handle their tasks they have for me.  But what else...my family sits at a crossroads and a wonder of what comes next in this journey.  Will my address be changing, will it stay the same, will we struggle endlessly or is that wealth of blessings around the corner.  I would love to say financial blessings around the corner, but blessings come in all shapes and sizes.  I know we are all doing to support the family, but what about personally for me?  I love Jesus with my entire heart.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love my community.  I love knowing the faithfulness of the things God shows up for day-after-day, after-day, after-day.  So what is next?  What is there in life that I want to START -- but the fears are to overwhelming?  I have a list of things I would like to start...and they all seem so random to me...RANDOM Starts - complete resume, complete organization of house, set a budget that I can follow consistently, begin daily process of blog postings, determine what my voice of truth is - what all does it apply to?  So, these are things I want to get started on, but I fear failure... so I do nothing.  August 14 is my day one of START - what comes next?  I am excited to see. 

Speak my Peace

I'm back...after a reallllyyyy long break.  Yet my heart has desired to write continually.  My blog experience has a restart this evening...as do so many things in my life -- thanks to the Grace of God.  Seriously - only Jesus has enough grace for our lifetimes.  I begin writing and don't know where this shall lead.  I write why?  God has placed this talent within me and I must use it for His glory.  I know I have some close friends that are English majors and may critique...yet I shall do my best to convey a message that God puts within me without too many errors.  Forgive me now for the days that they crop up.  I speak as a woman of God - humbly called to serve an amazing and everlasting Jesus.  I speak as a mother to two precious boys and pray that my mothering for others continues to expand.  I speak as a wife - an army wife and now a law enforcement officer's wife.  I speak as a 'cool white girl' married to an awesome Puerto Rican (that's what I have been called in the past).  I speak as a Conservative living in the greatest nation on earth that I see bowing daily to a small percentage of  voices in many topics, but shout so loud that others can't hear themselves breathe.  I speak as a friend that has been called on many times to lead others through their thoughts and emotions.  I speak as a person that has seen an adversity in my life story that allows me to say -- you can do this -- you must keep going.  I speak because I feel that God has placed this voice inside of me -- a balanced voice of reason -- that never wants to offend, but strives to speak Truth.  so...I speak my peace tonight and look forward to more blogs/discussion in the future.